I really hated this episode/trailer. Video linked below, with reasons listed under the video. Edit: added links to the superior Red and White videos, and I highly recommend watching them:

Red [link] and White [link] were so much better.



Character Design
So she's another generic looking cat-girl who's boring, boring to look at, and her outfit looks stupid. Her voice acting is BAD. I've heard 4kids stuff sound better than this. And why did she betray him at the end? If I wanted a sex fetish chick with ears, I'd go hang out on FA where they're at least drawn better. A gun/whip blade? Again? She's a lamer version of Red (who at least was deadly) unlike Black.


 Lol What?
This is not how I was expecting the 3rd main member to be dressed for combat.


Don't Overshadow the Main Character!
Also, why is the male character, Adam, not only more interesting, but way more cool and effective. His sword with a shotgun sheath was far more effective at killing stuff than that retarded whip/gun thing. His design stands out, has more charm than whatever that overstuffed blouse + hotpants + overcoat visual mess that Black wore. Yeah, sure, design lifted from Code Geass and bleach, but at least HE was interesting! If you're going to tell a story about four different girls doing badass things with tragedy and pain as a backdrop, THEN DON'T HAVE THE SIDE MALE CHARACTER OVERSHADOW HER!

 
Knock knock, Viz here, we want our copyright back now.

Music
I wasn't paying attention to the forgettable music because the terrible voice acting, blurry animation, and boring fight scene got in the way. Which is a HUGE shame, because I love the music in Red and White.

Character Design - Fix
What needed to have happened is something that Red Letter Media said about Obi Wan and Qui-Gon Jinn. There needs to be a re-write where Adam and Ms. Boring are merged into one character called Blake. She'd have the design of Adam (with a female body of course) and his katana shotgun instead of another re-hashed gun scythe/whip thing. And she'd be alone, or with a revamped Adam being a helicopter pilot or something playing backup or transport in the background trying to keep up with her antics and gun/swordplay. Then Blake would be interesting, have a real role other than side-kick and she wouldn't look like a badly drawn attempt at ripping off Zatana from Young Justice. At least the Code Geass mask and Renji's hair/outfit from Bleach looked cool and distinct.

I thought I'd leave this video with one final comment:
I'd rather hang out on 4-chan during Caturday while beating off to images on Fur Affinity with the 4-Kids version of One Piece looping in the background than endure this abomination one more time. I'm going to go watch Red massacre hordes of werewolves, and then go watch Code Geass, because this cheap knock off isn't worth my time.

Here's hoping that Yellow makes up for this mess.

And the worst offense of all. She's supposed to be one of the four main women!

Adam: "Let's do this!" - Adam taking charge and displaying leadership.

Adam: "Buy me some time!" - oh yeah Blake is so important <sarc>. 'go distract it for me, so I, Adam can do something badass and effective.'

Ms. Boring: "Are you sure?" - are you sure? wtf? do you not know you're fighting to survive? do you not know Adam's powers?

Ms. Boring: "goodbye...." - what? what just happened? did little miss sidekick really just abandon the guy who just one shot a giant mech? why?

And this is our third lead guys.
<gun in mouth> oh yeah, i bet her story is going to be so awesome...<pulls trigger>

Short and quick.

Monster Hunter 3: blarg. Tried the demo on the 3DS (no WiiU). Sorry guys, I just don't get it. I couldn't figure out how to kill anything and after dying repeatedly to the first polar bear thing I deleted the demo. I'm sure there's fans, but I've no idea how the multi-player works, and reading forums to snag friend codes hasn't worked so far for any games I've played.

SMT: Soul Hackers: Interesting idea, but I haven't beaten Persona 1 yet, so this will sit on the shelf for a long time. Going to pick up for the 3DS 16 April 2013.
But I bet the sound track will be good.

Enjoyed playing the first few missions of Code of Princess and Fire Emblem on the 3DS XL. I turned off the 3d except for the cut scenes, and both are very solid games. Picked up Etrian Odyssey 4, and I really like the sound track it came with. I haven't figured out how to play the game yet, and will probably be a late in the year title to play.

I play games realllly slow. About a couple of months per game is about right. I have to be in the right mood to play, but fortunately portable systems seem to provide the pick up and play for a few minutes availability that I can stand.

Work is pretty tiring, but it doesn't suck and the work place is nice. I generally like the people and the pay is alright. Been working here in Cheyenne since last June, and I like the place. I'm not really bothered by the fact that so many people want out of this town and move to a larger city, as I'm enjoying the low traffic and general away from it all location. Plus, Ft. Collins is nearby and has more things to do and isn't too far to drive in the summer.

Computer died, finally had a weekend off to recover all my data that I could, which included bookmarks, and saved passwords to all my sites, and then put them on a new computer.

So I'm back and able to post again, but it'll be slow going for a long time. Working nights really takes the motivation to just sit on one's ass for hours on end right out of me. In fact, I prefer to do something else. I like to walk around the outside, the mall, and hang out with friends. Plus my reduced spending money means I'm not commissioning as much anymore.

Work is pretty dull right now, but I'm not sure I want to stand up and say, "hey the overnight shift is boring as fuck, give me more work" especially since I already tried that and nothing happened.

I'm doing good, and my ranting isn't over, but its toned down for the time being. I've already done and said what I want on several topics and I'm listening to people that have a better grasp of what to do next regarding male disposability, misandry, and men's rights. I'm never going to have a relationship, of that I'm certain, and marriage and the associated pain and misery industry is right out with it.

I love artwork and commissioning artists is really fun, and I'm not giving it up. I'm just taking 2013 kinda slow. I'm not in any rush, and I don't have anything to prove. Plus, a lot of my favorite commissioning artists are going to college and they just aren't available everyday or even every week. *Toughset is in college, *EVOV1 is in college, ~GaruryKai is in grad school and I've been waiting since mid/late 2012 to have her tell me how much I owe her for a commission that she agreed to do. There are others, but for now, I'm just branching out to other interests.

I got a 3DS XL and I love it. I got it for the fact that the larger size fits my hands and the buttons are laid out better. Fire Emblem, SMT: Devil Survior 1-2, Etrian Odyssey 1-4, SMT: Soul Hackers, Pokemon Black 1, and a few others are all on my list to play.

I got a PSP for $50, and I hated the PSN everything immediately. I hacked the crap out of it with a custom rom/firmware, bought some psp games (Persona 1-3, and Growlancer), and then copied the disks' roms to the 8gb flash card I got for it and now it doesn't vibrate like a freaking sex toy. I might buy the Vita later this year if the price drops to play Persona 4 Golden, and maybe two other games.

It turns out that even though I hate Sony with a passion, their systems and the Nintendo 3ds have all the cool "true" rpg's that I loved growing up, and I'll consider the next generation with caution, but interest. I'm honestly glad I sold my Xbox 360 because there's nothing good on it. I'm staying with the handhelds for now, because that's where Atlus seems to be focusing. As such, while I'm interested in the PS4 and WiiU, I'll be putting them on a good two year wait time to see if anything good comes out on them.

Take care ya'll, and see you around. I'll be posting stuff from time to time, but not every week.

So my favorite British 'adult entertainment' artist decided to open his mouth on this whole school shooting in Connecticut. He wants to ban the guns. Now, keep in mind he's a British citizen that lives in the UK, and as he keeps reminding us, doesn't actually care about our laws. But that didn't stop him from making an ass out of himself. Let dive in.

It starts here: [link]

A deliberately vague question, phrased in such a way as to make light of the situation, by being cute and leading and thus ignoring the complex issues at play. Finally, it feeds on the emotions running high right now, while trolling anyone who actually gives a crap about gun laws by leading one to believe that the outdated constitution is what caused the deaths (not the man holding the gun).

If an aspect of your culture, made legal by an outdated document, leads to the injury or death of fellow citizens: should the law be changed?

So where does this lead me. Well he's a troll. Pure and simple, its intellectually dishonest. He wants to talk about American gun laws, but doesn't at the same time. So instead of talking about gun laws in a direct question like, "do you think america should ban guns?", he starts with the fundamentally bogus idea that our constitution is outdated and THAT'S why we've got a little over two dozen dead children.

He then gets a shitload of negative comments and then says this: [link]

Let's just go over what I posted yesterday: I voiced that I have no opinion on guns in America, because I don't live there and as such; don't care. I said that I, personally, am afraid of guns and think they're industrial killing machines. And I posed a vague, hypothetical question that could have been applied to any situation where an old law/doctrine is in effect.

That's it. Nothing more. Harshest word in there was "change" followed by a question mark. Not "ban", not "make guns illegal" and certainly not "outlaw free speech and trial by jury", which some people with a slightly looser grasp on reality seem to think go hand in hand with owning the firearms I said I don't care about.

Well, today, I am going to post an opinion: if you're the kind of insecure, paranoid little twit that flies off the handle when someone poses a simple question, and who holds weapons and the laws that permit them with such religious reverence that you perceive that question as nothing short of an inexcusable, blasphemous attack, you probably shouldn't be trusted with a pointed stick let alone a gun.

Get a grip.

Wow, fuck me with a broken broom stick and twist. Let me get this straight. You lead with a deliberately vague poll question that everyone saw through. Backpedaled afterwards after negative feedback. And then finally compared everyone that doesn't agree with gun control laws and have GOVERNMENT AND INDEPENDENT AND POLICE STATISTICS TO BACK THEM UP, to "paranoid little twits" and "religious fanatics." Thank you so much, because I love being labeled a religious fanatic for actually caring enough to do research.

And lets drop the bullshit on one more item RIGHT FUCKING NOW. Gun laws are about banning guns.

-------------------

Since you want to step in our dirty laundry. I recently ordered some of the new prototype bio-film pint glasses pubs are going to start using to see what all the fuss was about. I never knew you Brits had such a huge problem killing and maiming each other while drinking beer. To the point where your Parliament is/was trying to pass laws banning the pint glass. Since your healthcare is government funded, the huge number of glassing cases was putting an undue burden on the system. So now, you all will have to drink out of bio-film covered glasses because you can't seem to figure out how to drink beer responsibly without killing each other. Bravo. Hang a sec, where's my gun. I might need it if I go into one of your pubs. I might get glassed.

side note: you brits have a word for 'getting smashed in the head with a pint glass resulting in severe disfigurement and sometimes fatal cuts and lacerations.' Glassing.

But what do I know? I'm just an ignorant stupid American twit with delusions of religious fervor, blindly holding my gun to my chest while reciting the holy gospel according to National Rifle Association.

Next week, I'll be posting the Halloween images I've saved up this year. Hope you like them.

Also I'll be posting the rest of my other images this weekend. Let me know what you guys/gals think.

An inverse of one of my prior journals long since lost in the stack somewhere, about why I commission artists. I was intrigued by this idea when I noticed that *falvie had posted a journal complaining about how commissioners won't "save up" for commission and how they complain her prices are too high or some variation on this theme. So I thought about why wouldn't I commission an artist, and why and/or when I wouldn't save up for a commission. The answer is simple, but a little long winded. Enjoy, and discuss below. Why and When wouldn't you save up for commissions?
--------

Because digital commissions are and always have been impulse buys. Someone gets that idea stuck in their head and they want it drawn, or maybe pop culture with their character inserted, or some combination of the above. $10 - 15 is easy, $20 - 30 is slightly less so, but still do-able. $40+ to about $59 is really limited, and then the $60+ is just not feasible as an impulse buy. I know that I hit $40+ and I start to think about what I could spend that money on instead of a joke that's stuck in my head, or a fad that's going around. I have to really think about what I want and pray, PRAY that someone of that calibre and price range is available at that time. Artists at the $40+ price range are extremely hard to commission, either because they are popular, or they rarely open up commissions (especially in the $60 - 100+ range), or they commit the worst sin and make you compete for a slot to then make you pay for the commission itself. Things like auctioning off a slot, or doing an email only commission where you have to write up a story or background or some other lengthy thing, or a popularity contest where she (usually a she) picks a handful of her favourite commission ideas and has her watchers vote. This is done to heavily weed out possible commissioners and might even be combined with making the commissioner submit their own artwork before she'll even consider the commission. So all this extra stress and stuff just to get a spot on some exclusive artist's commission list, and you still have to wait for it.

Lets talk about the wait. I've commissioned a ton, absolute ton of artists, and experienced their personalities (in either a positive or negative light). I have noticed that those artists that start in the $5 to $35 range are quick, friendly, and willing to work with the commissioner to get the job done right. Once I hit that bizarre $40-50 range artist (rare indeed), they're usually decent to work with, and they tend to have much better quality in the work and shading, but are rarely open for commissions. Then there's the $50+ artists, and most of the time its a downright pain the ass to get on their lists because even though most of them do about the same quality of work as the higher end speed artists and only slightly better than the $40/50 artists, they come with shall we say, personality quirks. Most of them you have to know them personally (and/or their circle of friends), or you have to jump through major hoops to get their attention, or you have to wait months or years for your image to get done, or you can't have ANY input in your commission (you're paying them to draw whatever the hell they want [*Slugbox]), or you aren't allowed to share your artwork with anyone (post it online)[`chutkat], or you can't post above a certain resolution (even though I paid for it), or they're just never open for commission, or you have to auction/audition for a slot, and/or any combination of the above.

So before you even start to consider saving up, you:
A) have to find someone willing to work with you
B) have to have an idea they can draw
C) are available
D) are reliable (don't delay the commission until you forgot you even commissioned them in the first place) - I take notes, and keep a monthly journal
E) are still going to be available when you actually HAVE the money
F) you have an idea that's worth SPENDING that much money

That's a lot to ask people to go through for an impulse buy.

I've bought two high ticket items, $85 and $100, (there would have been a third but she backed out and refunded my money). Each time, I got lucky and managed to snag ~Empyrisan and *14-bis at just the right time. These two images were worth the wait, and the money spent. The first, was a graduation image I commissioned and waited over a year to complete, and the second was just a really lucky break and I got in seconds after 14-BIS opened his (nearly) once a year commission list. Both of these commissions shared a few aspects. First, they involved a very simple theme. Two, the artists maintained consistent communication with the commissioner (me). Three, they were drawing similar themes to my own commission at the same time (interest). Four, all the images were extremely high resolution for the purpose printing out as giant wall posters to decorate my walls.

So lets wrap this up using Falvie as an example. Commissioning her requires a ton of patience as we never know just when she'll open up, and there's a lot of competition for slots. Two, the commissions we really want (custom fionbri) aren't just rare, they're also auctions. And its really hard to save up for an auction because you don't know what the upper limit will be. Then we have in the limited slots for each price range. Finally, there's her pricing and its in that range of "essential money" where instead of foregoing a pizza or two, we're skipping groceries, or gas, or trips out of town, or even paying for a part or repair. So add all that up and then to say, "just save up dummy" and you're ignoring the difficulty in saving up for an unknown time and idea and availability for what you really want to spend that money on, and faced with our huge ass unemployment rates and various emergencies come up...We just don't have the money to spare. I have to really really want something for $50+ (much less $125), and I really wanted a new hard drive for my computer instead. and new brakes for my car. and to eat this week. and gas in my car. and I could really use a new comforter for this winter as my old one has holes in the insulation.

And finally, and only slightly related, but I consider commissioning to be investing in an artist not the artwork itself. And I look at Falvie, and I LOVE her artwork, but she doesn't seem be doing so bad financially. She's kept demand and prices high through scarcity (not a problem), and I haven't seen a post begging for money in a long time. There's a lot of starving artists out there and I've only got a few bucks...

------------
Conclusion:

But at the end of the day, does it really matter if the artwork was done in two weeks at $30/hour effort for an authentic "falvie" or in two hours by a new artist that's willing to do more for less just for a taste of attention? If all you care about is the authenticity of an original work, then sure! But if you care more about the result because it didn't matter who drew your idea, only that you're happy with how it turned out, then that's just as equally valid.

Or does it matter more, that you're supporting an artist whose works you love, and the joy of watching something that was only in your head come to life under the hands of your favorite artists? That's me. Livestreams are one of my personal joy in life. Watching the sketches become outlines, then solid shapes, then colours, and shading. Watching and waiting until at last, the image is done, and I can show people on my gallery on DeviantArt the cool things I got from people I like.

There's a certain selfishness in creating a commission only gallery, but instead of filling it with "Authentic <insert artist here> " artwork, I instead go, "See look at all these people."

I love ya'll. Good night.

Greetings and welcome to my Featured Artist Journal that I promised. To make up for the delay, I picked four this time, in no particular order.

Starting off, we have ~marrero95ph :
marrero95ph has done a few commissions for me, and I consider him to be a very talented artist. A lot of his work keeps that physical media quality to it even when brought digital. He created a new account and some of his older works are gone, but his new stuff keeps the feel the older work had.
:thumb324229862: :thumb311478892:

Next up is *Singarl :
Singarl is one of a few feral artists I watch that I consider to be really on the ball with body proportions, shapes, details, and backgrounds. A more painterly style gives his/her works more depth and a more emotional feel. Dark and dreary, or bright and cheerful.


*robso :
Robso's watercolours are really cool, and his digital works have colour without blinding you in bright flashy colours. I really like how his images don't have this glossy sheen that makes them look all plastic. Variety is wonderful, when you have different art styles to choose from when commissioning artists. Plus, I've gotten him to draw some really cracked out images that I'm not sure I could convince other people to draw.


The final artist for this feature journal is ~G-Chris
I haven't known G-Chris very long, but he was very cool to work with for the first time, and was very eager to try something new. So I threw a few curve-balls at him and they came out really cool. I'll be posting them soon.

This will be a rather short one. Possibly in counter to my prior journal. I've an idea for a featured artist journal, but it'll take some time to find someone right now.

So in honor of having witnessed someone else's journal thread-jacked by a rather determined group of people, I'm going to post my thoughts on the MGTOW (Men Going Their Own Way) in a very brief fashion.



I'll just leave this journal with her words ringing in your ears. Just sit back and absorb this.

So what does it feel like being a MGTOW? Kinda like this actually.



Now get out of here before I break off some Green Day in your ass.



---------------------
Simply put, MGTOW is the name given to the phenomenon where increasing numbers of single men are refusing to "man up" and marry as society and women in general expect. I don't mean relationships with no marriage, civil unions and such. I mean true hardcore 'fuck all the numbers' no relationship, no dating, no flirting, nothing. The reason given is simple. "why bother." Skyrocketing divorce rates, punitive legal battles resulting in complete and total devastation wrought upon men in increasing numbers all because their partner decided they weren't happy with them anymore. Commitment only lasting as long as women WANT, and not what the word or intention actually means. "Oh I don't like you anymore, give me half your shit and I'll keep the house, the car, the bank accounts, and oh yes the children." "I'll be generous and give you once every other weekend access to MY children, if I feel like it." So men aren't buying it anymore. Fuck it all, why bother risking EVERYTHING on the off chance I/you/them didn't pick "the wrong one." Like Russian Roulette with five rounds and one empty.

So I was going to write up a featured artist journal, when all of a sudden a shitstorm appeared on the horizon and I got raided by a bunch of rabid feminists and their white knight bodyguards, on someone else's journal. Yep, not even my own page, they linked the journal on Twitter and a few other sites and then firebombed someone else's journal on adoption because they couldn't go through their obsessively paranoia filled day without stomping out a perceived threat to the hive. God forbid someone has a different view on life and the world around them, instead of towing some imaginary arbitrary set of beliefs.  These attackers attacked me personally and ranted on and on about oppressed women and how rape this and rape that and sexual assault this. Feminists are by far the most illogical and sex obsessed people I have ever had the misfortune of meeting. To them, its all about rape and if I may quote Feminist Frequency, "We [women] live with the constant fear of violence towards us on a daily basis." I mean who isn't? I mean men getting mugged on the street, shot/murdered and having our wallets stolen, car jacked, mugged, wrong place at the wrong time and murdered, who cares amiright? Carry a micro mace bottle, conceal and carry gun, or just fucking run and hope you get to safety, something, anything but obsess over your constant paranoid fear that every single man around you wants to violate your genitals. There exists entire industries devoted to making medication and supplying psychologists to help you deal with irrational fears and phobias. "If you can't get help at Charter, get help somewhere."  Now on with the story.

Synth is a pretty cool artist I found on Fur Affinity a while back and she posted a journal on adoption and she asked for opinions and I quote:

But I'm more interested in your ideas on the topic :3 PS! There are no wrong answers! So play nice ^-^

Now I was being nice and took her at her word. And in case you've never read one of my wall-o-text journals before, I tend to put a lot of thought, time and effort, and when needed research into most of the posts, threads, and journals I write. Sometimes things go well and I connect, and other times I fail miserably in connecting with my audience. But even when I don't connect, I put my honest thoughts and opinions into my work where appropriate, and as most if not all of my journals are opinion pieces, I have no remorse for sharing such thoughts.

Now I apologized to Synth for continuing to argue with these people, and I'm not linking to her directly because the poor gal went through enough already, but unfortunately irrational people can't be reasoned with. Therein lies the problem Synth experienced. Because I'm willing to speak out on what I actually believe and think, that exposes me to the occasional appearance of people driven by paranoid irrational fears lashing out at anyone that dares question or disagree with them. Unfortunately, it was her journal that got raided and ruined HER journal and the flow of ideas that was occurring on that page.

Here's what I said in response to the question, "Would you ever adopt?"

Given the complete and total domination and control over reproduction women enjoy, in which they and only they decide when, where and with whom they they have sex with and if conception occurs (most birth control and including the use of condoms are all female centric). As a result, any 'unwanted' child that occurs is based entirely on the whims of the woman. Or rather let me put it bluntly, any overt action I take that would involve me making an active choice on an unwilling woman would be breaking several laws and end up ruining my life. So the only way for a child to enter the system is for a woman to choose to make a long string of mistakes one after another. And that includes the ones that get taken away by child protective services for abuse and neglect. The only exception I can conceive is the rare occurrence of death by both primary parents.

So I'm of two minds on this:
Why should I take the onus of caring for someone else's mistake? While it is wrong to blame the child for the mistakes of the parents, I am always going to know that current law allows for the donar parent to resume contact and control at any time. Which means fighting a lawsuit or three to keep them away. A real kick in the nuts of, "oh thank you for taking care of him/her for me for all these years, I want him/her back now." Yeah, bullshit. On the other hand, adoption is going to be the only way I'm going to have children. That is assuming that the system isn't already rigged enough against single males. Because we're all paedophiles doncha know.

At the far end, you have abortion. I'll be okay with it just as soon as we stop government sponsored abortion. Let the poor and rich alike pay for their own mistakes. My pity ran out years ago. I say go for it. Do note however that there are a growing number of cases where the woman didn't want the child and the father did, but the father doesn't get a choice. Because its her body and forcing a woman to give birth to a child she doesn't want but he does is considered wrong. I don't know, I don't see a solution to that problem until enough men demand and develop the artificial womb.

Then again, this wouldn't be a thing if there wasn't demand. [link] [link] [link]

I thought I put it rather well actually, I made no bones about my concerns and worries about the process and what it would mean to me. Now, I'm going to cherry pick from the flame war, because I didn't screen cap it and Ms. Synth deleted all the comments. Sorry, that was my fault, I should have responded faster, but its hard to react properly fast enough in the midst of a thread meltdown.

Apparently someone took offence and instead of reading it and moving on with their life, they felt the need to go straight to the nuclear option and raid the journal by posting it on Twitter and other websites. Suddenly I was being accused of calling a woman a mistake because she was an orphan, accused of misogyny, being blamed for rape, coercion, molesting women, the patriarchy that causes women to be ashamed of their bodies, shame of giving birth out of wedlock and even the abandonment of babies in dumpsters.  You read that right, I'm personally responsible for women abandoning babies in dumpsters outside of hospitals (where no doubt the baby was recently born) because its "men like me that made her life growing up hard." Fuck you, you selfish bitch, yeah fuck you.  A part of being a grown up is dealing with fears and insecurities. You had a bad time, boohoo, guess what you aren't alone in growing up in hostile environments, disadvantaged, made fun of for being adopted, or any other petty and cruel things people and especially children and teens do to others to exclude and ostracize them. You know what happens when you grow up to be an adult, you suck it up and move on. The world is a cruel and harsh place filled with people that are going to find any reason what-so-ever to make your life miserable. Spending time obsessing over and nursing your insecurities isn't going to get you anywhere. And to top off your amazing luck where you, and I paraphrase, "adopted by very loving and caring parents who not only were looking for a little girl to adopt, they ALSO just happened to be in the same hospital getting treated, AND ALSO HAD BEEN ADOPTED CHILDREN AND WERE LOOKING FOR ONE OF THEIR OWN TO ADOPT." That's an incredible crazy super duper nuts odds you just beat. Holy shitballs, do you know. I mean really, do you know how many children get abandoned in less hospitable locations, left to die and only days or weeks later do people find the bodies? How many children survive being abandoned and then spend the rest of their lives with severe psychological trauma feeling like they are mistakes, abandoned to the world and unloved by their parents, always questioning why they had been thrown away like trash, and then lashing out at the world, drifting from foster home to foster home? You didn't just win the lottery, you broke the bank. I'd take you to Vegas if I had any money.

Instead of responding to my rebuttal that it was her biological mom that made the mistakes (a lot of them in fact), she instead creates a completely (and she admitted as such), fictional tale of how maybe her mom had been raped and was too ashamed/pressured into abandoning the baby (in a dumpster no less). Yep, there you have the first exposure of how instead of blaming the woman who made the choice to abandon her "in a dumpster outside the hospital," she instead creates an entirely fictional hypothetical scenario of rape. Thank you ma'am I know your true measure now. Because I guarantee that if the biological mother that "abandoned you in a hospital dumpster", had had any sense of responsibility you wouldn't have been put in a situation where you were adopted by "caring and loving parents."  I don't know what era you were born into, but hospitals when I was born had staff and nurses and psychologists on hand to help mothers adopt instead of abandon. Hell, I remember a newspaper article (god that dates me right there) where the local hospital was opening up a "drop chute" where mothers could just drop off the babies to encourage them to stop putting them in garbage bags and throwing them away. Pardon me for a second, but what kind of irresponsible inhuman monster puts newborns in heavy duty garbage bags, ties them up, and puts them in dumpsters? I don't know what definition of "mistake" you're operating with, but I think that counts as one. But no, it MIGHT have been man that MIGHT have raped your mom that MIGHT have MADE her feel shame and abandon you. FUCK. YOU.

Oh and it got better. So there was another woman that grew up in a multi-divorce household where her mom raised her children supposedly against her will. This argument didn't end well either. So here's what she said her mother did. "She [the mother] didn't want to have children, but did so to save her marriage, because that's what her husband wanted." Her husband "coerced" her to have children, despite what she wanted because she wanted to save her marriage. The marriage failed anyway and she tried it again with a new husband with the SAME RESULTS. Guess who she blames? Go on, I dare you. The fathers, because they "convinced against her own desires/coerced" (same thing, but whatever) her to have children anyway. Firstly, how did...fucking hell...how the bloody fuck did these people not know what the other wanted?  I can only imagine things went like this, "honey bun, I love you, but I want children." "Well I don't, lets get married!" At some point this woman chose to marry a guy that wanted children when she didn't. Usually its the male that gets the shotgun treatment, but I guess somehow the gun was to her head and she was forced to marry TWO men that wanted children and she didn't. What type of moron do you think I am?

You know since we're all speculating and coming up with fantastic stories, here's my theory of what really happened.

1) The mother was mid to late teens, gotten knocked up, and had a child. Scared out of her mind, she abandons the newborn infant in the dumpster outside the hospital and runs away.
----Further supposition: I can't even begin to speculate what or if her parents did that could have pressured her to throw the baby away in the garbage, but I can only imagine the people around her (and/or parents) would have noticed that she suddenly returns home and she doesn't have the baby with her. ----The user that told me this tale, said that the news on TV reported a story about the abandoned baby, and that's how her adopted parents found out about her. Therefore, my final supposition is that this young mother couldn't return to recover the baby even if she wanted to because it was all over the news and she would have been publicly humiliated had she tried.

2) The marriage in story number two was most likely already failing. In order to protect her lifestyle, ie. "preserve the marriage," she convinces her husband to either not use birth control, or to have a child, or even goes as far as to lie about taking her own birth control and conceives a child to force her first husband to stick around or face child support. Now, don't get me wrong here, this is theory, there are a lot of men out there that would love to have children and therefore convincing this first husband to have a child might not have been hard at all. But lets step back a moment. She said that her mother didn't want children, and given as how she ended up divorced TWICE means the relationships failed. I've been told repeatedly growing up that the single most important reason why relationships fail is a breakdown of communication and trust.  I cannot believe that this marriage would have even existed had both partners been aware of the other's wants and needs. She wanted stability and a way of life afforded to her by marriage but not children, and he did. The "do you want children" is one of those questions that you hear when you want to try to take a relationship to the next level.
----Lets play one last what-if with this story. She said that the mother was convinced against her will to conceive, because he wanted a child, and she wanted to save the marriage. Whose interests are really being served here? Whose choice was violated? She chose to give this man a child despite her own wishes, because SHE'D be inconvenienced by having a divorce and therefore having to start all over again with someone else. What sane man, who wants children, marries a woman who has expressed disinterest in having them? I'd say this was a fluke, and maybe they thought this would work, or maybe she lied to him. But she did this at least one more time (divorced twice and had children with both men). I'm sorry, but I just don't buy into this sob story about how these evil men, that she chose to marry, forced this woman to have children and then divorced her and left her to care for them. WAHT?

Patriarchy fucking what? Both of these women made horrible mistakes that even I can see. At some point these women chose to make the decisions they did. Life sucks, not all choices are between good and bad, sometimes the choices are between bad and worse. But I don't get all whiny and  make up wild tales blaming women for my problems. I chose to go to school in hopes of making a new life for myself after the economic crash. I had nothing, was living out of my parent's house at 29, and I'd lost everything from my car, to my apartment and furniture, and savings. I had nothing. I took the risk of massive school debt (that can't be bankrupted away), to get my Bachelors of Science degree and try to something, anything to make my life better. Fighting depression, near suicidal, feeling like a complete failure. No social skills, few friends, and no one to talk to. I have a job now, and I hope to hell I keep it. I got really freaking lucky and finally got a job interview that landed me this job. I worked my goddamn ass off in college to make it this far, and still had a setback early on in college where i failed all my classes one semester as a result of that blasted swine flu that hit hard in 2009 and again in the spring of 2010 and taking way too many classes. Alas the withdrawal date had already passed and I failed every single class. I didn't give up, and changed majors to something I could graduate with faster, because I was already good at it, before my financial aid window lapsed. I made many many mistakes rebuilding my life, learning to make friends, learning better socialization skills, and in general interacting with society in a productive manner these last four years, but I never once gave up. I stood up to my mistakes, apologized and moved on. This is what it means to be an adult. Owning up to your mistakes and failures and still carrying onward. Not blaming other people for your problems, sitting around not going anywhere or doing anything. Like popping out babies just so you can continue to live in some dude's house. Or weaving stories of imagined rape to excuse away your mother abandoning you in a dumpster.



PS: I'll have that Featured Artist Journal up by the end of the week.

I'm going to post a poll asking if ya'll would rather see a featured artist journal or a meme journal like the confession meme going around lately. I'd like something new to talk about, but all the good flame wars keep happening off-site.

I'm open to suggestions, so please comment below if you have any ideas.